29-Sep-2019 18:53 by 5 Comments


First, I passed the entrance examination and was sent to a fee-paying grammar school in Reigate.Unlike the state primary I’d been at, it was boys only until sixth form, and aimed to turn pupils into citizens who would participate in public life, rather than merely getting us through exams.

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As the motion was defeated by more than a hundred votes to three and I was jeered out of the mini-Parliament, I wondered who set the question in the awareness of who would discuss it – and what sort of thundering bellend used phrases like ‘This House believes’ with a straight face anyway?

The second thing was that I realised that for whatever reason – was not my main concern – I had an overbearing, visceral sense that I couldn’t survive in a ‘male’ body, nor handle the cultural expectations that came with it, and needed to change it.

I tried the Debating Society, thinking that I was doing the right thing by supporting the motion ‘This House believes that is degrading to women.’ I didn’t have the tools to construct a cogent argument: my family consisted of my Conservative-voting parents and my older brother; of my few friends in my tiny home town, none were girls; and I knew nothing of feminism, except as a pejorative word to belittle humourless women who were unreasonably angry about the way they were treated in a male-dominated society (and wouldn’t even shave their legs).

The obvious problem as I nervously struggled to argue that Madonna’s film encouraged men to treat women as sexual objects was that I could not any women.

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At the age of 13, she left home and headed for Sao Paulo, where she became a prostitute.

Now, though, she is going back to school as part of a Brazilian program to help 100 transsexuals and transvestites living in the country’s business capital to return to education, aided by monthly grants of 827 reais (5), just above the minimum wage.

This wasn’t how I framed it then: I had no idea about the existence of, let alone access to the transgender theory emerging in the United States, and nothing to shape my views about what it meant to live with gender identity issues except my parents’ This frequently stereotyped transsexual women – other people under the trans umbrella got far less attention – as simultaneously ultra-masculine (burly characters in their cartoons with jutting chins, who wouldn’t even shave their legs) and ultra-feminine (floral dresses, big heels, badly applied red lipstick), making absurd demands for expensive treatment from publicly-funded medical services, and from that alone, I knew I was in for a rough ride. The lights were off: Helen was either out or asleep, so I aired the incident on Twitter, where I often spoke to a small but kind and intelligent group of people.

I knew no such people myself, and had no way of finding them, or of starting to answer my questions. Some asked if I was okay: I was drained and distressed, but alright.

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